I want to be a part of an occult.

You may or may not know, but I am a person very interested in the occult. Whether it be Bigfoot, Mothman, ghosts, aliens, skin walkers, you name it I am interested. Not necessary because I believe in them, but because I really, really want to believe in them. I am not sure where it all spawns from, I suppose its seeded in my childhood somewhere. I remember having kind of ghostly things happen to me as a kid in my house. For example doors would slam randomly, the TV would start flipping through channels by itself, the curtains moving by themselves, the doorbell ringing on its own. However, despite how bad I wanted to believe in the supernatural powers lurking within my house, most of the time it turned out to be anything but supernatural. The doors slamming were because of the attic fan, or the doorbell ringing was my highly trained cat conveniently named "Demon".

Anyhow, as I grew older I kind of sought out these experiences. Near my home in Colorado where I grew up there was a buffalo reserve. On the reserve there were rumors of an Indian burial ground. So, naturally I wanted to find out if these rumors were true. I decided to drive the dirt road looking for any signs or any indication of where these burial ground was. Now don't get me wrong, I am someone who is a religious person and I fully respect the dead and I consider that ground to be sacred, but the lure of a supernatural experience seems to trump everything else. I should take a second to explain that I am not by any means looking for "evil" spirits or practice witchcraft or any of that kind of stuff. I like to think of myself like Egon from Ghost Busters without the ability to actually trap or extinguish ghosts. I like to think of it like bird watching v.s. working at a raptor training center or actually owning a hawk.

Nevertheless, the Indian burial ground seemed to be the perfect place to see a ghost. Now, if you are going to go to an Indian burial ground you want to make sure that you set yourself up as much as possible for a spooky time. Naturally you will want to plan on visiting the area at night, preferably around midnight. Secondly you will want to make sure the date of the actual visit coincides with a spooky date like Halloween or Friday the 13th. Since my interest to visit the alleged burial ground peaked sometime in the spring, I choose to go with the Friday the 13th date.

I tried to recruit my friends to come with me that night but somehow something came up that night for all of them accept my good ol' pal Ben.

Ben said he would drop me off on the dirt road and come back to pick me up in an hour. So, of course I agreed and as I saw his tail lights disappearing over the hill, I felt like this could be my first real supernatural experience. I hopped the fence and walked through the woods on a dirt path until I came to a clearing of trees. Off in the distance I could see a figure standing wearing a white robe... I jumped into the bushes and tried to get a closer look. I was convinced I was seeing a freaking ghost, but just like my childhood experiences it turned out to be an electric box of some sort. I was close but no cigar, but at least I could enjoy the adrenaline rush for a few more moments. As I surveyed the area I found an old log cabin and of course I decided to explore it. It seemed like something out of the Blair Witch Project, but to my disappointment there was nothing inside that would be considered ghostly.

After I left the log cabin I found a dirt path and followed it into a dense grove of trees. As the path winded through the forest it opened up to a small meadow where there were some Indian type structures. Littered on the ground were animal bones and fire pits. Not having a flashlight, my mind began to see and hear things that were consistent with what my eyes were seeing. I snuck up on of the structures and lifted the animal skin flap covering the entrance. It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything inside the structure, I pulled out my cellphone and by the glow of the phone explored inside. I kept feeling ahead as if to feel for someones foot or leg. As I look back on the event, like most high school antics, it was extremely stupid of me to go into the hut of some person living in the woods. As it turned out they must have been out for the night because I didn't find anything. Again, I was close but no ghost or supernatural event occurred that night.

Maybe I am too much of a skeptic to ever see or experience more than my imagination will allow.
Anyhow, last night I threw out my back and today I spent watching a bunch of ghost hunting shows on Hulu and Netfix. It's funny because I am always expecting them to actually find Bigfoot or a ghost by the end of the show but they never find anything. Maybe I should start my own show, or better yet become a clairvoyant. This would be an awesome job, to just walk around and say things like, "Over here I feel something" or " It was a man named Joe, or John or Jack or something, perhaps it could be his last name or the name of one of his relatives, maybe even a pet he once owned..." Then someone could be in the room and say, " Yeah there was a man who lived here and his name was Clifton but his friends called him, Ju Ju bean." Then I would say, "Ju Ju Bean" right after they said it, then we would all look at each other in the room with our eyes opened all big. Then the camera would catch a firefly outside and we would all run away cursing up a storm while pointing the camera at our faces. Yes...

EBAY TREASURES !

JUST FOLLOW THE LINKS DO IT QUICK BECAUSE THE BIDS ARE REAL AND THEY WILL RUN OUT SOON....


http://cgi.ebay.com/Haunted-Ostrich-Collection-of-stuffed-toys-Wild-Scary_W0QQitemZ150396520027QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item230454c65b

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http://cgi.ebay.com/Unique-beer-batter-onion-ring-in-shape-of-a-wreath_W0QQitemZ200416231529QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2ea9bd0069

http://cgi.ebay.com/SMALL-HUMAN-BLADDER-STONE-3-16_W0QQitemZ120504126242QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item1c0e9b0b22

http://cgi.ebay.com/Rent-my-body-for-a-month-Great-way-to-advertise_W0QQitemZ200415932570QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2ea9b8709ahttp://cgi.ebay.com/The-real-sponge-is-here_W0QQitemZ110467969871QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item19b867734f


http://cgi.ebay.com/The-real-sponge-is-here_W0QQitemZ110467969871QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item19b867734f

http://cgi.ebay.com/Bored-at-Work-Collection-Happy-Face-and-Blank-Face_W0QQitemZ140366246929QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item20ae7af411


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http://cgi.ebay.com/A-CREPE-WITH-JESUS-ON-IT-MUST-SEE-JESUS-FOOD_W0QQitemZ110467782202QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item19b864963a

Freaking Awesome Ray of Light!

As I am trying to land my first advertising gig, I have gone through a whole mess of emotions. Some days I feel like, "Dang I suck and I will never make it in this dog eat dog industry." Then there are days like today when I find this ad lurking on a website.

Do you see anything a bit odd about this ad?



Might I point out the homeless/crazy homeless man that this company decided to use for two stock photos in this banner ad. It has been my experience, thus far, that the whole point to advertising is to convince people to take action.

Now having said that, I want you to ask yourself, does this crazy homeless man's stock photo stir any desire to:


A. Refinance your home

or

B. Lower your Credit Card payments.

When was the last time that a bum/crazy man/ domestic terrorist caused you to want to do anything other than purchase a gun and or more ammo for your gun.

Thank you ADBLADE for showing me that I can make it in this industry, because obviously anyone seeing this ad would know that you can only use a stock photo of a bum/drunk/crazy man in your advert once.

So what's a degree in communications worth anyway?

So, I think this clip from the Simpsons about sums it all up! As of late I have felt like that person who sits by the door waiting for the Publishers Clearing House to show up with one of those huge checks. However, in my situation it is the Doritos Crash the Superbowl competition. To all those loyal followers of my measly web log here is the link to the spot.

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/video/4909

As the economy sucks so do my chances at getting a job. So, I am going to resign myself to entering every single competition I can get a hold of. This also includes the 5 dollar foot-long subs at Subway. While you might be thinking to yourself, "Wait a second that is not a sweepstakes or competition, what gives Pat?" Well friend, every time I eat a 5 dollar sub from Subway, I feel as if I have won something. As if I have just opened my door to a huge cardboard check or won a cool commercial compition. Thanks Subway, for keeping guys like us in the game.

Doritos and Some Stuffed Animals.

As you may have heard we are in a recession. That means it is the worst possible time to graduate college in the past 30 years +. Guess what I am about to do in December...?

You guessed it graduate college. You might have also guessed that I have no job offers or long term, or short term, plans. So I have decided to put all my eggs into one single basket. What kind of basket must this be, you may ask? Well is triangular cheesy and crunchy...yep you guessed it the Doritos Crash the super-bowl competition. The way that it works is simple, create a funny commercial then upload it to the Doritos site. Then Doritos will choose the top 10 commercials or so. Once in the top 10 you get all your friends to vote on the commercial and the winning spot is shown in the super-bowl. Then all you have to do is beat out all the rest of the super-bowl commercials according to the USA Today ad meter. Then you win a million bucks, and I am hoping that I can also use that as leverage to get a job at Goodby. Anyhow, it is all very simple I don't see how it is possible that this plan should fail.

As far as my spot goes it involves a taxidermy hawk which gave way to me visiting the local museum on campus at BYU. While I was there looking for a raptor of some sort, they told me I could check-out a stuffed hawk. While I was in the process of checking out the hawk they told me I could take up to 20 animals home with me.... So I did and then it kind of turned into a semi-homo erotic game of poker. Here are some pictures to prove it....

82 Cats Later Someone needs to TIVO the Price Is Right for that woman!

Well here I am sitting in my dark living room lit by the glow of the computer because I can't catch any Z's tonight. I seem to be developing some sort of sleeping disorder. Its like I can't turn my brain off. Anyhow, tonight's topic of insomnia, my neighbor"The Cat Lady." About a year or so ago we started to smell cat poop outside our window, this seemed consistent with the fifty or so beady little eyes that would scatter every time we would pull into our parking spot at night. My land lord tried talking with the old cat lady but she didn't see a problem. So my land lord started setting traps and catching cats throughout our complex. As it turns out I was talking to my land-lord yesterday and he told me he has caught over 82 cats....

That many kitties is kind of dangerous, they out numbered our complex 5 to 1. With that kind of kitty power, our Cat Lady Neighbor could easily take over the world. While I have not ruled out her plot to enslave her neighbors with her feral cat army, I am certain she is a sad old irresponsible woman. She is a woman who must have never learned about the birds and the bees and that cats have on average 2 litters a year if they are not fixed. Perhaps she is just thinks her cats are like Mogwai and just magically multiply when they get wet.

Whatever the case may be, I have realized that Bob Barker has been telling old people to get their pets fixed for decades. I always thought it was strange he would end every show with his plea to get your pet fixed, but it all has come full circle. OLD PEOPLE LOVE THE PRICE IS RIGHT AND OLD PEOPLE LOVE TO SEE CATS FILLING UP THEIR WINDOW WELLS.

The sad thing is that 82 cats have been put down because of some old woman never kept watching the Price Is Right after the show case showdown.

There are just some things you cant do in NYC... EVER

In leu of moving to NYC or SF in the next couple of months I decided to exercise some good 'ol second amendment sweetness.

Nobel Peace Prize Blog

So, I have decided to be a copywriter in the world of advertising. This means I guess I need to start a blog, so they say. Anyhow, I am well aware that blogging is more or less going to be place for me to complain, moan, or add my two cents to stuff happening in the world. However, the ironic thing about my blog is that no one will ever actually read this thing. I am totally aware that that is my problem because there is no reason for someone to care what I have to say. It's not like I have done anything like win a Nobel Peace Prize. Then again, Obama didn't do anything either and he won one. So, if Obama started a blog called, "The Obama Nobel Peace Prize blog," even though he would not have anything to write about, my guess is that he would have people reading that sucker. So until I win a Nobel Peace Prize, here is to the person that finds themselves reading this post.